sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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