He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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