just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
