toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
