If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
