as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
