There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
