HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I take back everything I said about communal showers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And then he peed in my hair
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