did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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