Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
