Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
