11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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