I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
