I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
