She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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