So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
