and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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