i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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