she was so not down for the gang bang
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
