My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
