Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
