I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
