How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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