but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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