they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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