This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dick very happy bro
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
