so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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