me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
