You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
