So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
