it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
