I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
