there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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