The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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