I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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