Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
