I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability