Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?