He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ