Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
