Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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