singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
