I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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