eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
