if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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