I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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