So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
