Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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