P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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