Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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