you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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