By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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