Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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