i may or may not be watching the land before time
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
