We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
