dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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