My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
