I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
