Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
