508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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