I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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