It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
