lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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