I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
