so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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