Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
