i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Randomize
