Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
