I showed him my bush... on skype.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drunk is a universal language darling
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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