I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
