I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
