Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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