Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
