marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How does one acquire holy water?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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